Micro Moment episodes: A Miscarriage moment
Title: My Micro-Miscarriage Story: Finding Meaning in Vulnerability
Welcome to the Microdose, your marriage podcast. I am your host, Dr. Sabrina Hadeed, and I bring you bi-weekly 10-minute episodes called Micro-Moments, where I share candid stories that highlight vulnerability and inspire what it really takes to live in alignment with your truth. This is the first Micro-Moment episode, and I'm starting with an incredibly vulnerable story—my miscarriage story. For me, it’s anchored in three meaningful parts, which I will share with you.
The Context
To give some context, my husband and I had already had our first child and were overjoyed to find out we were pregnant again. We were about 11 weeks into the pregnancy when I started spotting. After calling my OB and getting an immediate appointment, I went in alone to find out what was going on while my husband waited in the waiting room. The OB confirmed through a vaginal ultrasound that the fetus wasn’t viable, and I was miscarrying.
The First Meaningful Moment: Protecting My Grief
Understandably, my whole body started to quiver and cry. My OB asked if I wanted my husband to come in, but through my tears, I quickly knew that I didn’t. He tends to want to move away from distressing moments sooner than I do, so I chose to stay alone in that room. It was a powerful choice to protect my own grief and give myself the time I needed to process what was happening.
Nesting and Facing Reality
We went home, heavy-hearted. I prepared a nest in my room, ensuring my husband and daughter gave me the space I needed. I even brought a TV into our bedroom and turned on a vampire series. It may sound odd, but the dark sense of humor fit the messy, bloody, and painful experience of a miscarriage both physically and emotionally.
The Second Meaningful Moment: Existential Paralysis
At around 2 AM, I felt an urgency to use the bathroom and felt a heavier flow pass through me. Looking down, I saw a fully intact transparent sac with the fetus in it. No one had prepared me for that moment. I was paralyzed with existential paralysis—too tired and confused to know what to do. Should I scoop it up and plant it somewhere? In an almost surreal decision influenced by a 'Finding Nemo' reference, I unceremoniously flushed the toilet and went back to bed.
The Gift of Wisdom
In the days that followed, I shared this moment with a close friend who said something profoundly comforting. She told me she liked to think that the being gained something by being with me for that duration. This gave me immense solace. We don’t always know why these things happen, but we do have the power to make meaning of them. Making meaning helps us reclaim the power of our stories.
Takeaways
My miscarriage story will always be anchored in three parts: allowing myself to grieve, experiencing an existential paralysis, and receiving the gift of wisdom from a friend.
Here are the takeaways from this first Micro-Moments episode:
Reflect on Your Vulnerable Stories: Allow yourself some compassion and space to make meaning of your own vulnerable stories, whether they are of loss or challenge.
Give Them a Voice: Share these moments, even if just with trusted friends or family. The more we talk about them, the less they define us and instead become representations of who we are as a whole.
Create a Ripple Effect: Sharing your own stories gives others the permission to do the same. I genuinely hope that by sharing my miscarriage story, it gives other women who have experienced miscarriages the permission to speak more openly about it.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. May it serve as an inspiration to cherish your own vulnerable moments and find meaning within them.
